It’s late and I haven’t slept in days, not slept through in weeks so although my speech is slurred it is not from too much sedative, well not yet. I have taken to sitting outside in the quietness of the evening and just being still, listening and feeling, thinking and processing life as it spins around me.
For the last couple of weeks Belle has asked that I sit with her as she falls asleep so that we can have quiet time and chat. Each night we each get a turn to ask a question, sometimes her bear also gets a chance. We talk, we giggle and she learns through the questions she asks.
“What must I do when other children look at me funny, they look at me funny, why do they look at me funny?”
Sometimes people are deep in thought and lose track of who they are looking at. They end up staring at you with an odd expression on their faces but it doesn’t mean that they are thinking bad things about you.
Sometimes they are thinking bad things, even mean things, or we feel that they are.
When they do that, no matter if they’re an adult or another kiddie just crack the biggest smile at them and you’ll see. They either become embarrassed that they were caught with a mean look or realise that they were somewhere else and snap out of it.
We did role playing – she did it the next day at school at it worked phew.
“Sometimes my best friend is mean to me, we’re playing and then we fights and she tells me she’s not my friend anymore, she doesn’t like me anymore. It hurts me and I cry.”
When someone says that to you, look them straight in the eyes and say the following “It’s ok, you don’t have to like me, I still like you” and walk away. If they really love or like you and are just angry with you they will come back, if they don’t then that means they are the type of people you don’t want in your life. If it is because of something you did, apologise as well, at least then you have done all you can do.
We did role playing and I got the response “My brain is very smart today, I rememeried it easy peasy”
“Sometimes the kids call me names at school, they tell me I am tiny or shorts or other bad names and I don’t like it, it makes me cry. Why do they do that?”
Sometimes kids can be mean, sometimes it is because they are jealous or having a bad day. Perhaps something bad happened at home and they take it out on others. When people call you names just look at them in the eye and say “Thank you” turn away and don’t let them see your tears.
By saying thank you it will confuse them, they are expecting you to get upset and when you say thank you they don’t know what to do.
Role playing again and then practice with her older brother telling her that she is weird for her love of snails (pah he was seriously jealous that she found a cool pearly one!).
“Why are some kids just sad, they don’t smile, they don’t laugh, they’re wear grumpy pants every single day!”
Everyone has bad days, sometimes it is because their mamma’s or/and pappa’s are mean with them at home, sometimes its because of their brothers and sisters. They could be sick or their grandma could be sick.
Next time you see someone like that, why don’t you run in to the school field and pick a flower and give it to them. They might smile back, they might not but that flower could make their bad day better.
Once I saw an old lady with a sore back carrying heavy bags waiting to cross the road. I could see she was battling and the bags were making her sore sore so I asked her “Mam can I carry your bags across the road for you”. The old lady was so shocked that I offered she kept saying “Bless you, bless you, you are an angel, thank you so much, you have made my bad day so much better”. It made me feel better.
“But what if I don’t feel nice, what if I am sad?”
Sometimes when we do nice things for other people it makes us feel better, seeing their sad faces smile makes us smile. Smiles and laughing is like the flu, its catchy. When I’m sad I try make someone else smile because I know it will make me smile as well. Why don’t we try it tomorrow? What do you think?
Yes, I’m going to pick flowers and Monday I give them to the sad girl at school. Will you helpppp me?
Yes, of course!
I feel honoured that that little mind wants to learn and learn from the things I tell her but it is one heck of a scary journey. What if what I tell her is just me passing on my “faults”?
Am I on the wrong track? Am I doing right by that little 5 year old?