Pooky the Bear and the showdown

Pooky the class bear is a very special little bear, he travels heavy with his toys, sleeping bag, toothebrush, hairbrush and clothes only going home for one night with the Star Pupil of the day. 

Each time a Star Pupil takes him home for the night they have to play with him, feed him, make sure he baths and brushes his teeth ending it all with bed time stories… and LOTS of photos of course.  They then write in his A4 diary about their time together, draw pictures of what they did and photos just for a hoot.

For months now Belle has had tearful moments when coming home without the dear class bear Pooky.  She wanted him and couldn’t understand why she wasn’t getting her chance… that is till earlier this week.  We were sitting around the dinner table and once more the topic of Pooky came up but this time with a slight difference.  She told me that Pooky only goes home with kids that work hard, listen in class and help with noooo interrupting while the teacher talks.

I told her that if she really wants Pooky she must work for him and she said she’s going to work the hardest ever!  Low and behold yesterday was the day, I was quietly waiting for Belle to exit the class when she walked out with the biggest grin and shouted “I GOT POOOOOOOOOOOOKY”.  All the kids were fussing around her (its a big BIG thing to get Pooky) and all the mothers gave me condolences. They had warned me of the chaos this little bear brings but more of that in a mo’.

Think its an awesome lesson for someone so young, in fact anyone in general.  Work hard and you get somewhere, work hard for something you really really want and you will get it and more.  She was so thrilled to finally be honoured with Pooky and what was more she was proud of the fact that she had worked for him… Sometimes looks don’t get you everywhere, for someone who has made statements that it would this lesson is invaluable.

The other mother’s were right though in giving me their condolences though I don’t think it was for what actually happened yesterday.  The minute Littlefoot saw Belle carrying Pooky he got in the mood.  The mood being a jealous mean rage about Belle always being lucky, always getting everything and wait for it… Pooky not loving him.

I learnt early on that when he gets in that mood he is kept away from Belle, he gets this evil little look on his face, bullies and is really mean.  He is an awesome little boy but with big issues.

I kept them separated when we got home and his mood just got worse and then some.  He was making mean comments to Belle about Pooky and trying to destroy her special achievement, the things he said you can imagine but all along the lines of him not getting anything ever.

After about 10 minutes of that I made a judgement call and told him to go upstairs to his room until he can be decent and respectful, till he is my Littlefoot again.  He naturally refused throwing a few kicks against tables and stomps so I did the only thing I could do and had no idea for that matter that I could.  I picked him up and carried him up the stairs kicking and screaming and put him on his top bunk bed.  Didn’t know I was that strong, my body didn’t either because I can hardly walk today but that’s a different matter.

Safely in bed still kicking and screaming (and me out of kicking range) I told him to think on how he is acting and if he would like it done to him, repeated that he can come downstairs when he is in a better mood and closed the door.  I tried to cheer Belle up while we fed Pooky his lunch, man that bear is a messy eater!!!

I heard Littlefoot shouting about how everyone hates him, how no one loves him and let him carry on for a while – think sometimes its just good to get it out of your system.  Eventually I went into the room and sat down, listened a bit and repeated what he said to him, then asked him who had told him that they hate him.  It was an hour long heated discussion, an exhausting one at that.  His jealousy is so out of hand and beyond reason and I told him as such.

Towards the end of the conversation I just told him in a no nonsense voice that the time when he throws these tantrums because Belle found a piece of bluetack or gets an award from school are over.  I told him that from now on things are going to work slightly different, no one is going to give him a piece of bluetack just because Belle found some, no one is going to get him something just because he is upset about Belle getting something.  From now on Belle also gets special time with her Papa not just him (he threw another wobbly bout this one) and she will be getting pocket money just like him (another wobbly).  If Littlefoot finds a coin on the walk to school no one gives Belle one as well but when its reversed it is expected.

I told him that its all about him all the time, all about what he doesn’t have, what he never gets and that he has a really short memory for everything he does have.  Belle gets nothing when Littlefoot gets a $200 Lego set.  I then gave him examples of how he can act if he were to decide to come downstairs and left him to think.  5 minutes later he appeared and used all my examples thank God.

Spoke to Jude about it last night and we’ve decided that we’re going to act on his tantrums from now on, no more manipulation from him will be accepted.  If he throws the comments about us taking his Lego away because we told him its bed time (seriously its weird the oddest things come out at the most unrelated times) then we will do what he says.  If he tells us to throw it away we will. Consequences.

The reality is way different than what is in his head, Belle hardly gets anything at all, its all him and I’m tired of it.

Pooky bear and Belle had a really rough day so they ended up crawling into bed with me at 2am.  Through it all though I am really really proud of her for both her achievement in getting the bear, her certificate and still having fun with Pooky despite Littlefoots desperate attempts to destroy it for her.

Now I’m going to have a looong bath and see if I can sort these superhuman muscles out… ouch!

7 sleeps and counting

But first I have to take a deep breath, I thought weeks gone past were hell but this week has been on par for different reasons.  There was a major tire bursting blow out between Littlefoot and Jude… it involved broken chandeliers (by Littlefoot while we were eating), Littlefoot hitting a car with a stick, refusing to do simple requests, food on floors, throwing wrappers all over the house and telling me to pick it up… it was um yeah a showdown during which Belle and I sat upstairs and read fables about fairies and pink air we breathe in.

The guilt trips from both of them afterwards were even more interesting, understandable but interesting.  Littlefoot was on tippy toes and so was Jude, ultimately it came down to Littlefoot feeling no consequences for anything and when you gave him the consequences we got (got) “I don’t wanna” or “I’m not going to”.  He is minus a few lego’s now as well as all yummy munchies.

That was the start of the week though it has been coming a long time, weeks upon weeks… since Cruella left.

Yesterday Jude left for Russia on a business trip, it’s going to be the longest time I am alone with the kids, 2 sleeps and 3 days… Littlefoot gave me his all out boundary test as a special present last night just to celebrate.  He takes things of Belle’s, simple little things like a little gem stone she found at school then goes up to her all bully like and demands to know if she has seen his stone. She just looks confused and says I don’t know.

I pick up on what he’s doing and ask him exactly who gave him this alleged stone and he responds well its not fair that Belle is lucky finding it and he wants it. Proceeding of course to go into the old diatribe “I am unlucky, she gets everything, I’m just stupid, I never get anything warra warra warra”. 

To put it all in to perspective.  Littlefoot gets a lot of spoiling’s, he gets expensive star wars lego, he gets treats, he has more toys than any child I have ever known.

Perhaps its not the right way but I am tired of him getting away with emotional blackmail to get so much of everything, he is the one that is more spoilt in this house, more than Belle, all because “He might get upset”.  What kind of lesson is that?

I made the executive decision which of course he is not happy about but he gets no more spoilings or lego till he appreciates what he has and looks after it.  I am just tired of this constant “I want more than Belle, I want to be more special and loved than Belle (to the point of directly asking if Jude and I love him more than her)”… tired.

Anyways that is the soapie for now more important things to talk of… 7… SEVEN… sleeps till I get to go on my holiday, a small tour of sorts.  The plans… Land in Pennsylvania on the 2nd and head up to NY.  Couple days later I fly through to San Francisco (babeeee) for about 5 days then back to NY.  Travel backwards to hopefully a coffee with our dear friend Psych which will be so beyond awesome. Back on a plane and head off to Florida where ironically, yet not strangely, Vanessa shall be for some beach and sun (desperately needed am telling you!!!) then back to the pond on which God relieves himself continually on (bladder problem) for the last stretch.

When we were originally planning this trip the time frame seemed so long and now when I look at it it seems to have shrunk smaller than a newt.  I had visions of flying all over and meeting all my friends one time shoe shine but it was not to be this trip.  From August I’ll be travelling more, I have many states to visit, many coffee’s to drink (or of course fermented grape juice) with many dreams of what is to be.

Holy crap

I’m coming to America, who would’ve ever thought that I’d be heading there.  For me it’s almost too surreal to be real, it has me in a slight spin, a big spin.  It all feels too good to be true and I find myself pinching myself continuously causing big blue dots all over me to make sure I’m not dreaming.  This time last year I was mid-swing in hell, future totally uncertain and heading for the city of lost…

The spin, it spins so fast it makes me dizzy…

• I’m out of hell!
• I have freedom… OMG!
• I can have as much coffee as I want, eat what I want and cook!!!
• I am going to meet people I have dreamt about meeting since I “met” them and soon I will get to meet all of them!
• I am where I am because people believed in me
• I am where I am and I feel love, love by my friends and love for my friends
• Fate proved to me once and for all that if I believe in my gut, trust it and stick it out through hell that anything is possible
• Dreams do come true
• Oh gawd what if I am only sleeping
• What if I am dreaming
• What if it is just going to end
• Fuckit… I’m going to enjoy it while it lasts
• OMG *breathe* look where I am, how far I have come and what I am learning
• I’m out of hell because I had faith and more importantly people had faith in me
• I own me, never again will anyone be given that right

7 sleeps and counting… it has its own bag of stress chips but it aint going to knock me down that is for sure!

Oooo SEVEN sleeps babyeeeee!!!

It’s a Snow Patrol kind of day

My name is CHIPS helloooooo!

Belle, sweet full of I own the world Belle…

“Belle what cereal would you like for breakfast?” I ask while humming Don’t worry be happy (upon request)

“My name is Chips and I want Chips for breakfast” responded Belle in this exacerbated little voice

“Belle you can’t have chips for breakfast it’s either Frosties, Rice Crispies or a Bagel” said I all mater of factly thinking it would end the topic

“Helloooo my name is Chips do not call me Belle!!!” she responded in the voice

“Good morning Chips did you have some of my grumpy pills before coming down? I want them back! Who stole my Belle” said I feigning distress

“Whyyyyyyy can’t I have chips I want chips” she pleaded

“Well you want to wobble when you walk and stay little for ever and not grow big and strong?”

“I want to stay small and cute” was the response I got again in that voice… yeah she knows she’s cute (age five heaven help us)

I had to pause for more than a few moments while her eyes watched me for my response, it was starting to feel like a Wimbledon final before 8am!

“Well cute only lasts so long, chips go to your butt which will make you wobble like jell-O on a skate board and end of discussion… no chips before breakfast period!”

“What’s per..EEE-rod?”

“End of topic? … close your eyes while you eat your crispies and imagine them to be chips wallah just like Peter Pan you got chips”

“I am Tinkerbell … can we sing Don’t worry be happy now?”

… and so it goes, every time I call her Belle she retorts in this totally aggravated voice “My name is not Belle it is Chips!!!”

Littlefoot and I now call her Chips out of fear… he asked me this morning “When can we call her Belle again? I think I’m going to be Patrick in Spongebob Squarepants. Call me Patrick not Littlefoot”

So folks the sad truth is I now have two characters in the house, namely Chips and Patrick-without-squarepants, and the tantrums have stopped because they get their chip allowance revoked immediately… it works better than Time Outs at the moment so I’m using it… sue me.

So far there hasn’t been a tantrum all week… *breathes a sigh of relief* May this chip fetish both never end and end… I’m enjoying it thought while it does last… ah peace!

I know where I’m going… at last

There is something to be said about knowing which direction you’re moving in, when you don’t is a whole other story and kind of feels like a little pin head spinning on mad-cycle in the washing machine.  Where I am going to be in 5 months time is New Jersey, South New Jersey, near both the ocean and river.

Those that know me know that water pulls me and I miss it more than I’ll admit.  England is a small island in the middle of cold waters, an island God relieves himself regularly on thanks to his weak bladder.  That said his bladder problem does seem to be abating with all this sunshine, I’m actually getting some colour back and hopefully within the next week will be able to shower without my sunglasses on for the glare!

Progress on all fronts…

Littlefoot was an angel yesterday *breathes a sigh of relief*, he got the message on Sunday helped by Jude’s analogy of Anakin turning into Darth Vader, that really hit it home for him.  Now I have two sample humans begging to help me load dishwashers, unload them, hang up my washing, sweep the kitchen but not polish my shoes!

It was a relief to my soul to be honest because I didn’t know how much more I could take before cracking.  Think I mentioned it but I forget and too lazy to check (blame the sunshine not the piece of cake sitting next to me)… Jude and I decided that I’m going to get the kids, especially Littlefoot drawing, he has a unique eye for detail and his visual perception vs. what goes on paper is really good for someone so young, a natural if you will.  So yesterday we three, the kids and I, headed into town and got special kits, Belle’s with princesses on and Littlefoots with Cars (of course).

Needless to say they wouldn’t leave them alone, opening them up every few minutes to admire all the pencils and equipment.  Not surprising then that this morning I woke up with Belle cuddling me and this rectangular object poking my boobs out of shape… it was the princess art kit no less!

My boobs are still not back into shape but the purple tattoo’s are worth it seeing their glee and excitement for art.  It reminds me of how I am when I get new equipment (art) and start playing.

Today is a new day, the dinosaur chickens are almost ready, the lettuce trees with carrot trunks in place and the tomato suns smiling… lets see how long it lasts, however long it does, I’m going to enjoy it!

Right now to prep cameras… time for some fun in this sun! (yeah I know can you believe its actually sunny??? shock horror)

*sigh* Thank you Monday for visiting me… at last!

So much on my to do list, so much insanity not on it but appearing, sneaking around corners… barstewards.  It was one of the roughest weekends and I am so grateful it is Monday… yeah I never thought I’d ever say that either but I am eternally grateful!

This is a really boring post but just need to write…

Thursday was a great day but ended with Jude in insecurity heaven claiming (while holding me) that we are only doing this relationship thing for the kids then going on to ask me where we should live and talking like our relationship is real… ah *breathe* mixed signals are wonderful things but insecure men who are shit scared way more exciting.  I know he is shit scared because he has told me as such.

Friday I did the Easter Egg hunt, yes it was a bit early but there is a certain magic about realising that the bunny has been around, their little faces were so excited and it reminded them that there is still fun, that an exciting time is on its way… Easter of course.  All good until dinner time and Belle tells me that she enjoyed it but they didn’t stick to the plan.  I asked her to explain and she told me about a plan she and Littlefoot had but it didn’t happen (confused I was at this stage).  Littlefoot claimed she was lying (because it implicated him) and when I asked her if what she said was the truth she said no.

In this house we now have an immediate time out for lying because they have both been caught a few times.  Pure hysterics on her side to the point it was a floor tantrum… In between her screams and kicks Littlefoot called me back to the kitchen and told me that he actually lied and that Belle was telling the truth, that the plan was for them both to share their eggs so he helped eat all of hers then ate all of his by himself not sharing with her which was the plan.  This is his usual behaviour (well for the whole weekend and on and off in the past).

At that moment Jude walked in when I was contemplating what to do with mutual lies and talked it through with him – he flipped out and told me that I was stupid for doing the Easter egg hunt in the first place and implied that it was all my fault anyway.  We gave both kids time outs and he apologised *breathe*

Through it all Belle is sick, she hasn’t slept much for three nights now with coughing fits and snotty sniffs, she’s got the grumps poor thing. We haven’t slept for the same amount of time taking turns to feed medicine and blow noses, raise pillows and rub her back.

Saturday Jude spent in bed recharging his batteries, he was really low and needed a time out so the kids and I did chocolate lolly pops with sprinkles and all the fun stuff.  It was a relatively good day though Littlefoot was throwing up signs that it all wasn’t so good.  Aggressive verbally, pulling manipulations and trying to control everything, anything that was anyone else’s was suddenly his because he didn’t have it and if we didn’t allow him it was because we don’t love him, we love Belle more and it goes on and on and on and on…

Sunday I woke up in so much pain I couldn’t move, the spasms were so bad I actually pulled muscles, I could barely walk without holding on to walls and pain killers just weren’t helping. I spent the day in bed for most of it while Jude and the kids played outside/worked.  I crawled out in the afternoon when I heard the shouts and screams…

Littlefoot had tipped over the emotional iceberg or rather more aptly the volcano of all volcano’s.  Constant you hate me so I hate you, pushing boundaries, direct fuck you actions, physically hurting Belle and being verbally aggressive.  He lost it, got a his consequence and then came back for more – no matter the consequence.

This poor little guy has so much anger in him that he needs to get out, I’ve never seen him like I did yesterday.  His face was verging on evil, the look chilled my heart and soul, it did for all of us.

Jude and I had a long chat today and as far as all the specialists are concerned how we are handling it is the right way.  What we tell him and how we treat him is apparently exactly what we should do…

The saddest part is I know what he is feeling and I know how confused he is, I understand.  I am finding myself doing things that no one did for me, it brings it all back but puts it all into perspective.  I understand more of the kid I was now than ever before, more of what I lost through his loss, what he needs now and what I need as the adult I am typing all of this out.

So the Puppet Master is a funny thing, I am now studying psychological journals and advice on dealing with low self esteem, low self confidence and negative belief systems.  I am studying so that I can help this little guy but through doing it I am helping myself. 

Ah that Puppet Master is so friggin funny I could sometimes strangle him but he laughs and gently pushes me back into the learning game of life.  I’m going to give Littlefoot the tools that I never had growing up and I am going to give myself the same.

Thank you Monday, for the first time I actually love you!

Told you it was boring…

A new start of sorts

I’ve been blogging now for almost a year and a half but found myself at a junction with an intense desire to kick start myself into a new direction with a bit of funk (the non smelling kind)… You know when you get so stuck in a rut that its hard to climb out of it again? Like when things get so serious that you feel like you are suffocating? Yeah that’s kinda where I got to and although its sad to say goodbye to my old alias of sorts this is something positive… this actually feels rather like the very first post I ever wrote on my original blog, all nervous like and freaky!

Chronicling the misadventures of insanity in the new life I find myself in versus the old one that tires and bores.  I was once a happy single girl that should be a lady, I acted like a stereotypical male when it came to relationships and my greatest fear was that men get attached to me and think that a fling constitutes a relationship.  This used to bother me alot and having to look them in the eyes and tell them sorry mate but it was fun… well the reactions were varied to say the least.

Lets just skip all that nitty gritty stuff and settle on the title of true bachelorette, sounds way more posh as well!  I lived my life in the way that I wanted to, ate what I wanted to, never considered ever having children, getting married was never a thought to filter through my membrane called a brain, nada… When asked I would normally just go hmm well I LOVE being single why would I give that up to wipe someone else’s ass the whole time?

My freedom was hard won and one of the things not easily given up just for a Joe.  So imagine my surprise when I go to the UK on a job and find a man I can’t resist, that challenges me and is not all  needy!  Sounds terrible doesn’t it?  Oh well moving along swiftly.  Jude and I hit it off immediately and would spend most nights talking into the early hours of the morning about everything and anything, he told me his story, about his two incredible kids and everything that goes with it.

3 weeks later it was tickets, the chemistry was so intense that I suddenly found myself in a situation I had never, could never, have imagined I would be in… a) falling for a man b) living with my partner from day one (I love living alone, freedom thing again) c) being the mother figure for two kids and d) being called Mama

In my heart I’m still a fancy free kid with big dreams wanting to play in the playground and eat cookies all day.  Now I’m in a jungle gym of life, snot, farts, burnt sausages, cuddles, snuggles, tantrums, art and more…

Right I’m going to go kill Cruella quick, she leaves Wednesday at 10.25 and then my dear friends the partay shall begin!!!

… back… she’s alive ALIVEEEE

Right so the stuff that I have emitted that shall appear upon these pages of insanity shall include things like…

• – Learning to appreciate being farted on
• – Learning to cook and ultimately burn food, it’s not as easy as it seems
• – Creating food in the shape of animals with big butts (its one of those jokes)
• – Discussing shape and sizes of boobs with a 5 year old and being groped by the 7 year old
• – Working on the kids psychological problems
• – Explaining why my butt wobbles when I walk
• – How to deal with a Naomi Campbell tantrum in the middle of a busy shop
• – Teaching a man to braai (bbq to everyone not South African
• – Learning American (apparently I talk funny and say things all wrong)
• – Walking through London with snot all over you 101

Gawd someone just let one rip again, just for a healthy note… Organic food makes you fart, no need for organic baked beans, just plain old organic will do… they’re farting like choo-choo trains and then asking me if I can smell it… how can I not is the question!